Come! Gather round and listen to my tale of innocence

About a little girl and her pony called Beauty

A long-lived love and a distinctive death

A well of dreams and a stable now empty

I journey through memories and unveil my mask

To put to you emotions raw and reality serene.

 

Scared and shy I would find solace in places serene

Believing this escapism – was it just naivety? Innocence?

The comfort of places and animal faces were the mask

When I struggled to face demons beyond the beauty

I learnt that I had a sense of power and control when my stomach was empty

And I became infatuated with visions of loss and of death.

 

In Autumn I chose Beauty, when leaves on the ground spelt a pretty death

It was on this day in the paddock I saw those big hazel eyes resting, serene.

I had to reach on tippy-toes to wrap my arms around her neck, I no longer felt empty

We trotted through daisies and cantered through cones feeling free, feeling our innocence.

It was a definite “yes please Daddy” and “will we be together soon- me and my Beauty?!”

Here began learning how to care, love and thus start to peel away my mask.

 

I remember Beauty and my brother dressed as roman soldiers, disguised by his mask

Bravely they marched through the crowds, beaming as if from battle haven beaten death.

We had a lot of fun primping, preening, expressing what I liked to see in the world: Beauty.

When I felt sad and struggled with things, she was there to settle the storm and turn it serene

She felt like my protector, my guardian, to shield my innocence.

But as my legs grew longer, hers grew tired – riding now over, saddle rack sitting empty.

 

The day Beauty died I felt such diverse emotions that when conjuring them up, my mind feels empty

She was very sick and seemed to have given up on life, sinking behind a mask.

I wanted to be there, say goodbye, comfort her, cherish her innocence.

I heard a whinny as I approached the door, now unsure if it is time for death

But feebly stumbling to greet me, I felt her need to be relieved to feel serene.

And as the morning light fell glowing on her hour, her name expressed this moment: pure beauty.

 

The sedative streamed through her body and I knelt beside her, stroking my Beauty

When I thought she was still there, the Vet said “No”, and my tears fell on her life now empty.

As this dawned on me, a peace dispersed and the misty air felt serene.

What was before me was within me, and Beauty’s exterior, a mask.

For a moment magnificence was felt in my beating heart up against the fragility of death

And as a chapter closed, I thanked my precious friend for being there in my youth and innocence.

 

We die serene, shedding fears and turning “what is” into beauty.

Fear reflects our innocence, believing that being alone causes lives to be empty.

To look beyond the mask of fear is to have compassion for oneself and cast a new light on death.