I caught a cold today.

Mother says I need to take better care of myself.

Watch out. Be wary. Germs are everywhere.

Most accidents happen inside the home.

(My god, what if I spontaneously combust?)

I should stop by the store and get some bottled

water in case the weather gets worse.

Keep your guns and your ammo separate.

We are at ALERT LEVEL ORANGE. (You WILL be ticketed and towed)

This town is "Red Light Photo Safe".

Help keep America safe.

(I heard the flu shots don't work this year...)

Lead paint chips, asbestos insulation, mercury in seafood.

Will your child: havesextakedrugsdrivefastthinkforthemselves?

Does your debt keep you up at night?

Are the Chinese winning?

I heard there's a recession coming this summer-

What is the projected date of H. Sapiens extinction?

(Film at eleven...)